Am I afraid to be happy? Or am I just afraid?
I honestly don't know and maybe I'm never gonna know but something is gonna happen. I HAVE TO make it happen or all my chaos will have been a waste.
And I can see I am a hoarder, not a waster ... it's gotta be done.
Something's gotta be done.
I'm fearful as always but I'm getting closer.
I can see others happy. I can see I may not be the next E.L. James but I have to try launching myself out there into the fuckin' ether.
I thought I was ready but nothing happened recently.
I am reset to private to keep things calm ... but do I need that or do I need something else?
Confusion, contusion, correction, consumption.
Like crack; maybe I'm fuckin' addicted to something bad like procrastination.
Can't procrastinate.
Will die if I do won't I?
Can't go backward ... can't restep where I've been and repair my failures.
Relaxing. Hoping. Trying.
'Til next time.
~ afare24get
I honestly don't know and maybe I'm never gonna know but something is gonna happen. I HAVE TO make it happen or all my chaos will have been a waste.
And I can see I am a hoarder, not a waster ... it's gotta be done.
Something's gotta be done.
I'm fearful as always but I'm getting closer.
I can see others happy. I can see I may not be the next E.L. James but I have to try launching myself out there into the fuckin' ether.
I thought I was ready but nothing happened recently.
I am reset to private to keep things calm ... but do I need that or do I need something else?
Confusion, contusion, correction, consumption.
Like crack; maybe I'm fuckin' addicted to something bad like procrastination.
Can't procrastinate.
Will die if I do won't I?
Can't go backward ... can't restep where I've been and repair my failures.
Relaxing. Hoping. Trying.
'Til next time.
~ afare24get
2 comments:
Julian,
I continue to keep you close to heart and wish your journey becomes easier and more fulfilling for you. You mentioned feeling like an addict of sorts. Then take one day at a time. Little steps forward. Tiny even. Find some good in every day somewhere. Smile today because there is someone who adores you (points to myself).
Strength, courage and peace my friend.
Wishing you strength, peace and fortitude?
-H
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